Epilepsy
by Scriptive
Summary: The first time that Sam had a seizure was when he was 13.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Epilepsy: When nerve cells in the brain fire electrical impulses at a rate of up to four times higher than normal, this causes a sort of electrical storm in the brain, known as a seizure. A pattern of repeated seizures is referred to as epilepsy . Known causes include head injuries, brain tumors, lead poisoning, maldevelopment of the brain, genetic and infectious illnesses. But in fully half of cases, no cause can be found. Medication controls seizures for the majority of patients. (From )**

The first time Sam had a seizure was when he was 13. Dean remembered because he had never been so afraid in his life. One minute, Sam was eating breakfast, his chemistry book spread out over John's latest newspaper clippings. The next, Dean had turned at the sound of a sickening crack. Sam had fallen onto the floor; the noise was his head meeting the hard linoleum. Dean watched helplessly as his baby brother convulsed violently, his head repeatedly slamming into the ground as he shook. Sam's muscles continued to fire involuntary then stiffen. It was a frightening cycle that couldn't have lasted more then a couple minutes but to Dean felt like hours. Dean had quickly pulled the scratchy sheets off one of the motel beds and bunched it under Sam's head before dialing 911. Returning to his brother's side, Dean followed the emergency operator's instructions with tears in his eyes as he prayed for his father to return back to the tiny motel knowing that John wasn't expected back for hours. Blood was trickling down the side of Sam's mouth and Dean rolled his brother's now slightly twitching body onto his side into the recovery position. The operator had made it clear not to put anything in Sam's mouth even though Dean's fear of Sam biting his own tongue had now become a reality. Sam had stopped seizing when the paramedic's arrived but remained unconscious. Several EEG's later, it was concluded that this was something that Sam would have to deal with for the rest of his life.

Medications controlled the seizures, but once in awhile, Sam would experience one, normally out of the blue and scaring the life out of his big brother. Dean and John had been trained on how to deal with Sam's seizures. Calling an ambulance was now only necessary if Sam's seizures lasted for over five minutes or if he had more then one without regaining consciousness in between.

Now nearly fifteen years later, Dean felt as if he was in the same situation watching his baby brother's body jerk on the motel floor. You would think that Dean would now be used to it, but the same panicked emotions crept into Dean's throat as he loosened his brother's clothing and waited for the seizure to pass. Even though Dean now knew what to do, he would never get used to seeing Sam's eyes roll back into his head and his body go limp before being racked by painful convulsions. As sudden as the seizure had started, it stopped. Dean gently tilted Sam's head to the side, letting the saliva flow out of his brother's mouth.

Most of the time after a seizure, Sam fell into a deep sleep, his body completely exhausted. Dean usually let Sam sleep about a half an hour before waking him slowly. Sam was always groggy and disoriented after and Dean wouldn't leave his side until Sam was fully aware of what had happened.

Dean watched the slow rise and fall of Sam's chest.

_It's okay Sam._ He murmured. _It's over. Your okay._

**Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Before John saw a seizure, he never understood why people used to get epilepsy confused with demonic possession. But seeing his youngest son wrapped in a grand mal, he completely got it.

The thrashing, back arching, eyes rolling back, teeth clenching, all of it was complete terror given physical form. John could handle demons, poltergeist, spirits but god, not this. He should never have to handle this.

Sam would come out of the seizure very slowly. Coming to, he was always confused. His eyes glazed as he came around. Dean would sit next to him, stroking his hair, mumbling that it was okay.

_What Happened? _Sam would ask again and again. _Dean, What happened? _

_I hurt _Sam would say, making him sound as if he was five years old instead of sixteen. _Dean. I hurt. _

John knew Sam preferred Dean's company, when he was coming out of his seizures. He was more at ease, more relaxed, more accepting of Dean's awnser of _You had a seizure _even though Sam would ask again and again. Sam stayed in his dazed state for as long as a half an hour after coming to. Sam looked more innocent during this time that John had seen since he was young. The big worried eyes, the slack mouth. The earnestness in his voice when he repeated. _I hurt, Dean. I hurt. I hurt. _

Thankfully, it wasn't long before Sam's muscles would completely relax and his eyes would flutter before he fell asleep, usually in Dean's arms on the floor. John would hear Dean give a sigh of relief when Sam would finally drift off. It meant it was finally over.

Sam was always sore for a half a week after having a seizure. Dean usually had to help him around the motel, and Sam would only venture from his bed to the bathroom to back. Usually, Sam was too tired to argue with John during these times. John would send Dean out to buy pudding, jello;easy foods to eat because occasionally, Sam would chew up his tongue and cheeks so bad that he couldn't eat any solid foods for a few days after.

John was never sparse with the painkillers. Just watching Sam in a seizure made his own muscles hurt. The muscle relaxant pills helped Sam sleep, knocked him out for awhile, giving his body the time to recover.

Finally, John took Sam to get medication. He didn't like the sound of it. The medications all had horrible side effects but if it would stop Sam's seizures then John was all for it. Sam was quiet through out the sessions, agreeing to whatever medication changes and dosage adjustments that were given to him.

Most of the medication made Sam tired. He would come home after school and fall right asleep. He couldn't get through dinner without falling asleep, sometimes mid chew. It would have been humorous if it wasn't so serious. Sam wasn't the same Sam he had been.

_This isn't working Dad. _Dean said one night after Sam had dozed off over his chemistry assignment.

_I know son. _John would say feeling his heart ache.

John would never forget the day Sam came home from school, dumping his pack in the corner and heading straight to the bathroom slamming the door. It took over an hour for Dean to coax Sam to come out and tell them what had happened.

It turned out Sm had received a C in English, his best subject. Sam couldn't stay awake in class. He would read the same page over and over and not retain anything. His memory was shot.

That's when Sam announced he wouldn't be taking his medication anymore.

**Please let me know what you think and if I should keep writing. I wasn't going to continue the story past the first Chapter but since many of you asked for me to keep going, I decided that I would. Thanks for the feedback, It really does help :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay. So basically, I am extremely upset. I somehow deleted my whole Supernatural fanfiction folder on my laptop including the rest of this fic as well as many others that I had planned on continuing. So sadly, I had to start all over and I'm really disappointed. I hope you all enjoy and I apologize for such a slow update. I wasn't really happy with this chapter but I like the one coming after this one. **

As soon as Sam stops taking his medication, he becomes more the Sam that Dean knew and less of the walking zombie little brother.

Dean sees more of Sam's dimpled smile and hears more talk about literature (_"God, Sam. Jane Eyre? Could you be any more of a girl?!"_) and random facts (_"Sam, no one cares that cats can hear ultrasound") _and whatever else is on Sam's mind at that particular moment. (_"If you want to score with that geeky chick in your math class we're going to have to get your some pants that aren't high waters") _

John starts Sam's training again and Dean spars with his little brother every night, usually winning. (Okay, so that one time Sam _might _have pinned him by surprised.) To Dean's dismay, Sam continues to grow, already the same height as Dean and looking like he's not stopping anytime soon.

Sam's grades improve and when Sam gets on the honor roll, Dean can't help but grin at how excited his little brother is, waving the stupid report card around like he just won a Pulitzer Prize.

Epilepsy becomes something that is never talked about and Sam goes so long without a seizure that he starts talking about getting his license again. After Sam's last stint in the hospital, the doctor informed the newly turned 16 year old that he would have to go at least 6 months of being seizure free before he was able to get his drivers license. Dean even heard the Doc tell John that Sam probably would never be able to drive. If Sam had a seizure while driving, he didn't only put himself at risk but everyone else on the road as well. It was a chance that no one was willing to take. Not even Sam.

Dean knew it wasn't easy for Sam. All his classmates were driving, most of them even had their own cars but Sam knew a car for him was out of the question but that didn't mean he didn't want to get his license.

And even though Dean could whip up a fake one in less than 15 minutes, Sam insists on doing it the _normal _way. Dean just rolls his eyes, typical Sam.

John even lets Dean take Sam out in the Impala and lets him toy around an empty parking lot. Sam's a cautious driver, (_"Speed up Sam! Your going slower than a grandma in a walker"_) and he aces the writing permit test without having to even study.

His driving test is scheduled for the following month and Dean knows Sam will have no problem passing.

It's the day before Sam's driving exam that Dean startles awake. He stretches, his back popping and he turns off the television and rubs the back of his neck. He must have fallen asleep. He sits up, wondering what woke him. The motel room is silent, the door to the bedroom closed. Dean knows John is at the bar and Sam was doing homework.

_Sam._

Sam is quiet. But Sam doesn't _do _quiet. Sam is always tapping a pencil, or reading out loud, or bitching or whatever else Sam does. Hell, the kid even _breathes _loud.

Dean strains his ear, hoping to hear Sam clear his throat or hoping to hear _anything _that could indicate he's not the only one in the motel room. Getting up, he heads to the bedroom door and knocks.

"Sam?"

Nothing. Dean pushes open to the door to find Sam seated one on of the beds, sitting against the headrest, an open book in his lap.

"God dammit Sam. Answer me next time okay?"

Sam doesn't move. Doesn't acknowledge Dean in the slightest. He is just staring straight ahead, eyes at half-mast unblinking and glazed.

"Sam?"

For a second, Dean thinks that the kid might have fallen asleep with his eyes open. Sam has managed to accomplish weirder things. Dean snaps his fingers in front of Sam's face but Sam doesn't even flinch.

When Sam tilts to the side, Dean yells in surprise but manages to catch Sam before his head clocks against the bedside table. He helps ease Sam to the floor, supporting his brother's increasingly violent shaking body awkwardly.

When he gets Sam onto the ground, Sam is seizing worse than Dean has ever seen before. His breathing is noisy, coming in fast gasps as if he can only manage to inhale but not exhale. His eyes are rolled completely back, only the white showing.

Dean waits for this to pass, continuously glancing at the digital clock that Sam had knocked over to the side when he fell. Eventually, Sam's shaking slows to an occasional twitch with fluttering eyelids and Dean rolls Sam onto his side into the recovery position. When Sam stills, Dean reaches for the phone to call John.

It's on the second ring when Sam's arm jerks, and the shaking begins as Sam starts to convulse once again. Dean knows this isn't good. If Sam doesn't wake up between seizures or if he is seizing for longer than five minutes, Dean is supposed to call an ambulance.

At four minutes, it doesn't seem like Sam's seizure is going to stop anytime soon plus Sam never woke up from the last one. Dean takes off his sweatshirt and puts it under Sam's head and goes to dial 911.

When the ambulance arrives, Sam is still convulsing. When they are loading him onto the stretcher, Sam stops breathing. Dean watches helpless as they strap down Sam's arms and insert a breathing tube. One of the Paramedic's is telling Dean that it's normal to stop breathing during a seizure but Dean thinks its damn well abnormal that his little brother's chest isn't moving.

On the way to the hospital, Sam's face remains a stony gray and his eyes stay half open but rolled back. Sam looks dead. Sam looks so fucking dead that Dean almost cries. But Dean holds Sam's hand knowing that Sam is breathing. Not on his own, but he's breathing.

When they get to the ER, they whisk Sam off and Dean is left in the waiting room alone listening to murmurs of possible brain damage. He paces, not understanding why this has to happen to Sam. He almost puts a hole in one of the walls and the staff is threatening to call security when John walks through the front doors.

An hour later, they are called back to go see him. Sam is sleeping deeply looking as peaceful as you can while hooked to a bunch of machines and wires but he's regained the color in his face and he looks so much better that Dean feels his knees starting to buckle with relief.

One of the nurses guides Dean to a chair, pushing his head between his knees telling him to take deep breaths before he passes out.

_Sam's okay. Sam's okay. Thank god, Sam's okay. _

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	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you all so much for your reviews! It's really what helps me keep going when I'm stuck in a rut. Hope you like this chapter. **

Dean hears Sam before he sees him. Sam was moved out of the ICU an hour ago and Dean follows the direction of the hospital staff to Sam's new room. The hospital isn't very big and noise travels easily through the hallways. Dean can hear Sam's easy going laugh a few doors down. Like he said, the kid is never quiet. He makes his way to Sam's room and halts at the doorway.

Sam's bed is raised and Sam is sitting forward, remote clutched in his hand, flipping through the channels of the television suspended from the ceiling directly across his bed. He is chattering away with the nurse who is checking his vitals.

The nurse is laughing at whatever outlandish story Sam is probably weaving. Sam always manages to wrap all of the nurses and doctors around his finger. Once, one of Sam's nurses had made a special trip to the store to get him _Lime _Jell-O because Sam didn't like the _Strawberry _Jell-O that they were serving in the hospital cafeteria. Dean pegs his little brother's puppy eyes and floppy hair as the key. Sam seems to bring out the maternal instinct in people that Dean just can't seem to do.

When Sam sees Dean hovering in the doorway, Sam stops talking. The nurse looks up at Sam's abrupt silence and sees Dean. She's pretty, young and blond and under any other circumstances, Dean would have hit on her but right now all he wanted to do was make sure Sam was okay with his own eyes. The nurse must understand Dean's worried glance because she reassures Dean that his brother is fine and with that, leaves the room.

_Dean. _Sam is grinning tiredly, obviously happy to see him as he motions for Dean to sit on the edge of his bed. Sam looks exhausted, bags underneath his eyes but with color back in his face, it makes him look almost healthy. Sam's bangs hang in his eyes and Dean makes a mental memo that the kid needs to be dragged to the barber soon. Sam always looks years younger in the light blue hospital gowns

_How are you feeling Sammy? _Dean tries to keep down the raw emotion that has been building up inside him since Sam's seizure and fails. Dean is so damn relieved that Sam is okay. The tears threaten to spill so he turns away from Sam and wipes at them before Sam notices.

_Tired. _Sam admits.

Dean nods. He pulls up one of the chairs next to Sam's bedside. Last night when Sam had briefly woken up he was too out of it to know what was going on. The drugs had pulled him under before John or Dean could give him an explanation. Dean was grateful he hadn't had to describe to Sam what had happened last night.

_Where's Dad? _Sam asks.

_Talking to your neurologist. _Dean says. Sam nods, turning off the television and setting the remote on his lap. After a moment of silence, Sam talks.

_Are you okay Dean? _Sam says. Dean laughs humorlessly. Sam is asking _him _if _he's _okay and the kid is the one who was weaned off the ventilator last night.

_I'm fine Sammy. I'm glad your okay. _Dean claps Sam roughly on the shoulder and smiles at him trying to block the images of Sam seizing that won't stop creeping into his mind.

_Dad said they are going to start you on new medication. _Dean says and Sam's face falls.

_Dean. I don't want to. _Sam protests.

_I don't care if you want to or not. _

_But I don't want to. _

Dean slams his fist on the counter next to Sam's bed making him jump. _God Damnit Sammy, you're taking your fucking medications or I swear to God I will fucking kick your ass myself. _Dean can't help at how angry he sounds. He never wants to witness that again. Ever.

Sam stares at his hand, fiddles with the pulse ox monitor on his finger. _It was that bad, huh? _

Dean looks away and ignores his question. _The doctor's are going to make sure your new meds don't make you a space cadet. You shouldn't even notice being on them. They won't even make you tired, narcoleptic boy. _

Sam smiles; a flash of dimples and leans back, letting his head lull to the side so he can watch Dean.

_You scared the shit out of me Sam. _Dean says. Sam reaches over with obvious effort and grasps Dean's hand. He leans back, breathing hard. Dean knows the seizures take heavy toll on Sam physically as well as mentally. Dean doesn't even pull his hand away because screw the chick flick moments, Sam's hand isn't limp like it was last night in the ambulance.

_I'm okay Dean. _

Sam's eyes are drooping and Dean knows it's time for Sam to get some more rest.

_Sleep Sam. _

Sam slowly blinks at Dean, winces as he moves his leg. Dean knows Sam's muscles are probably sore as hell. They will be for a while.

_Not tired. _Dean can tell Sam is fighting to keep his eyes open and his head nods.

_Sure your not. Let's lean your bed back. _Dean presses the button that slowly lowers the front end of Sam's bed until it's almost completely flat.

Sam dozes but only a couple of minutes go by before his eyelids raise and he looks directly at Dean.

_I hate this. _Sam doesn't sound angry, he doesn't sound sad. He just says it as if it's a simple fact and that's what makes Dean feel an ache of pain. Sam shouldn't have to go through this. No one should.

_I wanted to get my drivers license. _Sam says suddenly emotion drained from his voice. But Dean knows his brother and can see the hint of pure disappointment in his eyes.

Dean had completely forgotten about Sam's test.

_Like I said Sammy. We'll just whip you up a fake one._

_No. _Sam shakes his head. _No. What if I hurt somebody? _

_Sleep Sam. _Dean says again.

This time, Sam obeys, eyes closing and chest hitching slightly as he drops off into sleep.

Dean sits with Sam for a long time wondering why out of all the people in the world this had to happen to his little brother and not liking any of the unknown answers.

**Let me know if you liked it/hated it, you know, the works. Hahaha. **

**:D**


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